I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
