i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We are all done wearing pants today
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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