he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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