you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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