addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
