I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
