She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ladies don't puke and tell
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize