fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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