You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
