capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
