I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
