I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
