ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
