i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
