after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
