should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
