yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
