so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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