sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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