I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
