so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we're making bets on your personal life
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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