I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
