just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize