I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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