Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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