They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
