So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize