I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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