your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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