I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
