I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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