margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i've created a new STD.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
