Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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