Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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