you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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