Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Quick, to the slutcave!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
