Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize