so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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