So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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