Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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