Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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