When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
