At least make sure they are 18
Why
I hope mine doesn't look like that
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
