I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
