You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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