The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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