Yo dont text me then not text me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
