I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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