It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
