Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
