I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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