Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
