Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
