Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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