I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
