I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
