thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
