I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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