Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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