He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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