I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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