I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My bed smells like the plague
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
