i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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