today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
